What does “Commitment” involve?
1. Commit to the process of recovering from the affair. Many couples & individuals are not sure what they want to do at this point in time. Affairs are traumatic. Faithful partners need to decide on whether or not to trust the unfaithful partner again. Some unfaithful partners need to decide if they really want to continue in the relationship now that they understand why they did what they did
2. Commit to working on the relationship issues without outside influence. This means no contact with the “3rd Party”, judgmental family & friends, or addictive substances. Your first order of business is to write a letter to the third party to end all contact.
3. Commit to transparency as a way to begin the trust restoration process.
4. Stabilization of the marriage/relationship to allow time for emotional healing verses running to a lawyer to get a divorce. The Infidelity Recovery Method will give both people in the relationship a greater understanding of the nature of affairs; how to relieve the symptoms of obsessive behaviours and triggers; action steps to correct the negative old patterns ; and learn what forgiveness is and is not.
5. Begin the process of learning communication & conflict resolution skills.
6. Commitment to the Infidelity Recovery Institute’s KEY Love Rituals. Coaching is about a relationship between the coach and client to create a new way; it holds you accountable to make change; action is absolutely key.
7. Begin heart to heart communication – you will follow the monologue program beginning now – no matter how committed you are to the relationship’s future.
“ Unless Commitment is made, there are only
Promises and hope; but no plan.”
Peter F: Drucker
Why is Commitment to Affair Recovery so Important?
Committing to any type affair recovery process is challenging at this time. As a Certified Infidelity Recovery Specialist, I help people understand why each of the seven steps is so important to personal healing, and to rebooting the relationship. Without expertise, advice and encouragement, many people will not have the energy, beliefs, or skills to move through affair recovery and reboot their old relationship.
Commitment to the protocols of the 7 Step program provides the best environment for processing the trauma, and moving forward – either together or apart.
The program is different from marriage counselling or relationship coaching. The focus is on the affair – being either an emotional affair or a physical affair. The Infidelity Recovery Program has a 90% success rate, with active participation and following protocol, whereas traditional Marriage Counselling fails in 75% of cases when addressing the issue of infidelity and affairs.
It is no surprise that an individual or couple having infidelity issues, could have issues with commitment, boundaries, rules, and truth telling.
A couple who doesn’t seek professional help after an affair, will NEVER have the chance for either personal or relationship recovery. Even after 2 years, 10 years, or 20 years plus, the hurt of the betrayal can linger. Psychological long term effects can ruin happiness and commitment in future relationships too. Plus the relationship is also open to new infidelity. Without dealing with the main reasons as to why the affair happened in the first place, an affair may occur again in the future.
Why I can't commit to Affair Recovery?
The greatest challenge to affair recovery is the individual who is unable to Commit.
1. I am still having an affair and I want to continue the affair
2. I think time will help mend the relationship
3. I am hoping that my betrayed spouse will forget and forgive in time
4. I don’t believe in counseling, therapy, or coaching. It doesn’t work.
5. I don’t want to be judged or shamed as I already feel guilty
6. We don’t have the money
7. I don’t want the relationship so why bother fixing it.
8. I am not sure what I want to do yet.
9. I am depressed and can’t make up my mind.
10. I don’t have the time to work on the relationship
“ What does not kill us makes us stronger.”
What we will focus on in Step # 1
The goal is to transition the couple from a state of anger, hopelessness and confusion to understanding their relationship and themselves.
The aim is to keep the couple working on the relationship for 90 days.
Couples who complete the 7-step program are less likely to divorce, as they have a new reality of what their relationship needs are, and are willing to work on the relationship moving forward.