Traditional counseling addresses the perfectionist in terms of the personality but generally not within the scope of infidelity.  If you are a perfectionist there is a tendency to project your mindset onto others.  That means the likelihood exists within the marriage that your expectation of your spouse is to meet your performance levels.  Should the spouse not meet your expectations then the tendency for criticism can become part of the marriage dynamic.  Gottman outlines the 4 horsemen that are linked to criticism, namely: criticism, stonewalling, defensiveness and contempt.  If the counselor is focused on the defective “relationship” and how the betrayed spouse didn’t meet the needs of the perfectionist, then the victim is open for attack not only by the betraying spouse but also by the marriage counselor.

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