Personalities matter

In traditional counseling, the predominant focus is that the “relationship” is broken.  Yet, a person with a narcissistic personality often acts out by way of having an affair and then blames the “defective” spouse because they just didn’t give him/her what he/she “needed” so they were entitled to find it somewhere else.  Very little attention is given by counselors regarding the narcissistic personality.  Narcissism is on a spectrum from the actual disorder to traits.  Where the person is on the spectrum makes life with that person either mildly difficult or very difficult.  If the betrayed spouse is constantly dealing with a controlling/narcissistic personality, over time the betrayed spouse has his/her internal soul eaten away and if on auto-pilot just trying to cope.