Infidelity and Cheating

Beginning the Affair Recovery Journey

Often when a person realizes that their partner has betrayed their trust and cheated, their emotions go into a sort of Alice in Wonderland conflict.  One part of their emotions realizes that if this situation is to be worked out then they had best proceed with caution and not do more damage to an already shattered relationship.  The other part…

First Steps are Baby Steps

When you first find out that your partner has betrayed your trust, your emotions go into hyper-drive.  You may react with disbelief, denial, anger or rage, or you may simply go numb and not feel anything at all.  All these reactions are completely normal. Everyone reacts differently depending upon how you found out and the reactions of the betraying person.  …

How the 7 Step program is different from regular counselling

How the 7 Step program is different from regular counselling

The 7 Step program is dedicated to dealing with the infidelity whereas marital counseling often takes rabbit paths and focuses on repair of the “relationship” rather than introspection of the person.  Often the counselor will take the approach of blaming the victim, which only devastates the betrayed person who is already struggling.   The counselor knows that if some personalities are…

Introspection of EACH me is necessary

Introspection of  EACH me is necessary

In traditional counseling the relationship is the main focus.  The relationship is defective but little focus is given to the “me” part of each individual.  Often the “needs” approach is all consuming to the exclusion of introspection of each person’s personality and habits.  Intimacy anorexia, which is the withdrawal of one person’s engagement in the relationship, is a major contributor…

Personalities matter

In traditional counseling, the predominant focus is that the “relationship” is broken.  Yet, a person with a narcissistic personality often acts out by way of having an affair and then blames the “defective” spouse because they just didn’t give him/her what he/she “needed” so they were entitled to find it somewhere else.  Very little attention is given by counselors regarding…

Multiple factors

Multiple factors

In traditional counseling, with the “relationship” being the focus, little consideration is given to outside factors.  Often companies demand long hours and may or may not pay accordingly.  This leads to stress in at least two major areas, being: lack of availability and lack of finances.  A relationship is built on time, effort and input.  When an employer demands are…

What if your spouse has entitlement issues

What if your spouse has entitlement issues

Each person grows up with different life experiences.  A person’s interaction with parents or authority figures also affects a person’s personality.  What if a person was the baby of the family and was accustomed to having someone else do everything for him/her.  Would it not be anticipated that the expectation would be present for that person’s spouse continue as “part…

The I don’t negotiate personality

Traditional marriage counseling has as a cornerstone negotiation as a required tool.  However, what if one of the parties has a core belief that he/she is entitled to get or do what he/she wants and doesn’t negotiate.  What if that person’s emotional vision of him or herself depends on being the controller of the relationship.  Unless each person’s desire to…

Married to the Perfectionist

Married to the Perfectionist

Traditional counseling addresses the perfectionist in terms of the personality but generally not within the scope of infidelity.  If you are a perfectionist there is a tendency to project your mindset onto others.  That means the likelihood exists within the marriage that your expectation of your spouse is to meet your performance levels.  Should the spouse not meet your expectations…