Infidelity and Cheating

Betrayal – How does it feel

Betrayal – How does it feel

The betrayed spouse runs amuck with emotion.  Some suppress emotions.  For other people, emotions reign and overtake your whole being.  Unless the counselor understand the mind of the betrayed how to deal with flashbacks, hyper-vigilance and obsessive thoughts are all but ignored.  Thoughts and memories that were placed on the shelf have all been brought down for examination.  Everything you’ve…

How could he/she do this to me – Part 2

How could he/she do this to me – Part 2

One factor that doesn’t appear to be addressed in traditional counseling is the societal, cultural and media influence.  In the 1960’s the KGB did studies of the effect of bombarding a person with the same message repeatedly and if that message altered a person’s belief.  Given the media bias towards infidelity on screen and on the TV, it stands to…

What path did I take to get here

What path did I take to get here

Often in traditional counseling, the path to infidelity is a missing piece of consideration.  Yet there are many steps away from monogamy into infidelity.  As is typically described, the boundary post shifts away a step at a time.  Being able to discern the individual steps, thoughts and actions that the betraying spouse took to enter the field of infidelity is…

Infidelity and Communication

Infidelity and Communication

What amazed me the most when we went to traditional marriage counseling to deal with my husband’s infidelity was that instead of dealing with the issue at hand, the counselor went on a communication course rabbit path.  All aspects of the betrayal fallout was swept under the rug and communication 101 appeared to be the focus.  There is a time…

Don’t make it worse

Don’t make it worse

When a person is buried in pain, it is extremely difficult to think and control your emotions.  The tendency to react rather than decide how to respond is a huge skill to acquire.   The person that had the affair often wants to justify their course of action and the betrayed spouse is still in shock.   It is this situation which…

Saying Goodbye to the Affair Partner

Saying Goodbye to the Affair Partner

What traditional marriage counselors aren’t necessarily aware of is it that infidelity acts as a drug within the brain/mind of the betraying spouse.  It was that knowledge that helped me to be able to cope.  Often betraying spouses find breaking off with the affair partner a difficult task, although it is a necessary one, if the primary relationship is to…

controlling your mind

controlling your mind

When faced with the reality of betrayal being a part of your life, your mind spins with the fall out of how this will affect your future and the future of your children and your immediate family.  You will likely go through a period of grieving that betrayal is a situation you are faced with.  First the anger then the…