Step 7
Moving Forward
The 7-Step Recovery Program is designed around the rebuilding trust by the commitment to working on the relationship.
- Be ready to take ownership for your healing and personal growth.
– For the unfaithful partner, make a plan to work on personal and family of origin issues that often contribute to infidelity. Though the
information can be disconcerting, it is important for the ongoing building of trust, Hopefully, the unfaithful partner has completed all
exercises to end the affair and create transparency for the betrayed partner to feel “safe” and respected. - Creating space for friendship & intimacy
- Setting new rituals and changing the communication patterns.
Trust will happen in time. Trust is built in the small moments – by the making and keeping of promises and commitments.
The Effect of Affair Type on Moving Forward
Exit Affair – If the exit affair type has made it to Step 7, the couple is either prepared for separation or at the start of a complete relationship overhaul.
The Avoidance affair Types and especially the Mid-life crisis affair usually develop in void or deficiency within the mind of the unfaithful.
forces within the individual that pull them towards affairs:
Attraction / Sex / Companionship / Admiration / Power
Curiosity / Novelty / Excitement / Risk or Challenge
Enhances self-image
Limerence – “Chemical Cocktail of the brain”, falling in love
forces within the individual that push them towards affairs:
Desire to escape or find relief from painful relationship
Boredom / Desire to fill in gaps in an existing relationship
Desire to punish one’s partner
Need to prove one’s attractiveness or worth
Desire for Attention
OUTSIDE force:
Societal
Environmental
Family of Origin
Personality Factors
Sex Addicts can move forward to have a wonderful marriage, once the couple understands the nature of addiction and is committed to rehabilitation.
Philanderers and Entitlement Affairs can also move forward from infidelity – once the couple understands the true needs of the other person and is committed to
rehabilitation. A new acceptable definition of monogamy is agreed upon.
What we will focus on in Step #7
Create 90 day plan with realistic expectations
Create plan for affair prevention
Closing ritual, to close the door to affair exploration
Tower of remembrance exercise
Make commitment not to let hurt and/or anger rule my thoughts and actions towards partner or dominate my life